I shan't tar the entire nation with the same red, White and blue brush though as I know and have met some wonderful English people who aren't like that at all... but what I've really noticed this summer is that some have no sense of 'train ettiquette' at all. I feel that there is a few rules that should be adhered by everyone.
- When boarding a train, wait for the passengers coming off to actually get off. DON'T squash them into the door. I feel this is particularly important whilst you're scrambling on with two suitcases, you mong.
- DON'T at any time stand in the middle of that tiny isle and rifle through your bag looking for a book whilst I am standing behind you with a heavy ass bag. Sit the fuck down and put your bag on your knee like everyone else and let me get the funk to my seat.
- DON'T take up a seat by putting a bag on it, this rule only really applies on a busy train, as I love spreading myself on an empty train.
- If I can hear your voice above my music you're talking too loud.
- DON'T play music from the speaker on your phone - nobody wants to hear some Tiesto trance anthem from 2001 at 9am in the morning - you're not cool, and you should definitely buy headphones... So I don't have to wrap mine around your neck.
- When you get headphones, DON'T turn the volume up fully. I still don't want to hear your music and it's detrimental to your hearing.
- DON'T sit on a seat on a busy train, if it says reserved. The burly blonde woman who reserved that seat, who by the way, will be twice the size of your dad, is going to come and claim her seat, cause a commotion and harsh my mellow train ride... that I've just paid £50 for.
- DO help an old lady who has a hump back with her luggage. It's nice, free, good karma points and she'll send you blessings the rest of the week. If you're really lucky and she's just been to the post office she might even give you a fiver. The latter part of the comment is not certified.
-DON'T wait for the fiver with your hand out, it tends to be embarrassing for both parties.
- DON'T spray deodorant in the carriage. If you smell that bad that it cannot wait to the next station... Get off your ass and go to the fucking bathroom. I don't want to see your poorly shaven armpit haven or smell your 'Charlie Red' lingering for the next hour.
- DON'T get on the quiet carriage If you can't shut the fuck up... Or worse if you have a screaming child.
- if you've been travelling all day and you're tired, that's fine... but don't expect train snuggles from me, and don't act surprised if I push your head into the window when you lay your head on my shoulder.
-DON'T eat on a train if you can't do it politely. I don't want to see you devouring a sandwich like you haven't had food in 10 weeks, and im sure the person in front of you dry heaving doesn't either.
- DON'T take up two seats if your of a larger stature... Sit in the vestibule like the animal you've eaten.
- DON'T smell like cat piss
Finally
When exiting the train
- DO let people get out of their seats and don't cause congestion in the isle. You have to keep the seat traffic flowing and let out a few people every so often, otherwise I'm going to miss my fucking stop.
I think that if we all followed these simple rules I would have a much more pleasant train ride.
Here's a picture of me spreading my shit on a table.
Over and out
Rwoe
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
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