That said, you think every time I flashed my frickin nashers I was asking for a tenner. That, however is not the case. All I ask is that in your inebriated state you manage to turn the corners of your mouth up and muster a small, minute, TINY even...smile. After all, I'm standing here until 3am helping you to have a fuckin' awesome night. No tip, no smile, just a casual toss of whatever coins are left from your JSA cheque.
So that being said here are 10 reasons to smile...
1. Smiling Makes Us Attractive
Normally we gravitate towards people who smile. It is the first thing that attracts us to a person. We all want to know a fucker who's always got a smile on and more than that we want to know why they're smiling and if we can have some. Nobody wants to approach some bitch with a frown -- but a smile draws them in and let's be honest here, given your inability to dress yourself without showing the world your bikini wax rash... you need something to ensure you still have friends at the end of the night... cuz you lost your dignity the minute your vagina ate your underwear and any surrounding matter.
2. Smiling boosts your mood
Next time you catch your partner fingering Cheryl from the corner shop, try putting on a smile. There's a good chance you mood will change for the better. Smiling can trick the body into helping you change your mood and trick your brain into thinking your boyfriends not a douchebag.
3. Smiling Is Contagious
When someone is smiling they lighten up the room, change the moods of others, and make things happier. A smiling person brings happiness with them. Smile lots and you will draw people to you. A smile is catching, but remember kids. So is chlamydia.
4. Smiling Relieves Stress
Stress can really show up in our faces, especially when you've dropped 5 ecstasy tablets consecutively. Smiling helps to prevent us from looking tired, worn down, overwhelmed, and off your fucking tits... but try not to look like a rapists. That shit gets you thrown out bars.
5. Smiling Boosts Your Immune System
Smiling helps the immune system to work better... and AIDS attack it... So given the height of the girls skirt you just fingered in the toilets and the looseness of your belt you should probably start to do a hell of a lot of smiling.
N.B. AIDS is not curable by smiling
6. Smiling Lowers Your Blood Pressure
When you smile, there is a measurable reduction in your blood pressure. So after you've drank the bar dry of vodka and redbull and your heart feels like it's trying to jump ship. Smile. Give it a try if you have a blood pressure monitor at home. Sit for a few minutes, take a reading, take a shot, then smile for a minute and take another reading while still smiling. Do you notice a difference? or are you too fucked up to read?
7. Smiling Releases Endorphins, Natural Pain Killers and Serotonin
Studies have shown that smiling releases endorphins, natural pain killers, and serotonin. Together these three make us feel good. Smiling is a natural drug. But given the amount of man made drugs you have coursing through your battered veins you probably don't give a fuck.
8. Smiling Lifts the Face and Makes You Look Younger
The muscles we use to smile lift the face, making a person appear younger. You look like crap and it's probably too late for you so I'd just skip the fuck to point 9.
9. Smiling Makes You Seem Successful
Smiling people appear more confident, are more likely to be successful and more likely to be approached. So put on a smile at your court meeting and people will react to you differently. You might not even get a curfew. and remember to always smile after that lady has let you finger launch her on the dance floor. That smile will let her know you're a real gentleman and she'll feel real fancy.
10. Smiling Helps You Stay Positive
Try this test; I understand however that the only test you'll be used to is the kinda test that let's you know your baby maker is turned on. So the test goes like this. Smile -- now think of something negative, I imagine it'd be something like how irritating it was when you look at the bar and there's no blue VS left. It should prove difficult as smiling let's our body's know that we are feeling fuckin' awesome! It sends our brain "life is good" messages, so even after those negative thoughts you still feel peachy fuckin' keen!!
So remember... Smile.
Here's a picture of me smiling my fucking face off... I hope you catch it my little silver nippled unicorn flowers.
No comments:
Post a Comment